A dream is a wish your heart makes...

When I wake up every morning, I open my eyes...to what? To a boring white wall. To an annoyingly-bright digital clock. To curtains dark enough to keep out any light coming in.

I live in a cave. A third floor cave full of action figures and cat toys (the shelves and floor, respectively).

If I had a choice, I would want to wake up underwater. I want to open my eyes, and on the ceiling, see waves of light floating like waves. In actuality, it would be the reflection of water outside. Living so close to the water, that I could hear it and breathe it in like the sweetest alarm clock ever made.

Instead I wake up to the wall, the clock, and the curtains of this cave.

And I wish it were the water. But life is all about wishes...

Step 1: Accomplished

Well, our tickets to Seattle are booked!

From July 15h through the 21st, I will be enjoying the luxury that may just well be my future home. We'll be sight seeing, drinking coffee (at least me), hiking through the forests, and most importantly, visiting Puget Sound for some good ol' whale education and maybe sighting?! :)

I'm. SO. excited.

These past 2 weeks have been absolute hell @ work and counting down to this step in my journey will be driving me through! 68 days-let's go!!!

Time is ticking..

I can't wait for this trip to Seattle. I feel like I'm just wasting my life away in this little town. Maybe it's because I haven't been out of my town and my comfort zone since this point last year? It's always good to get away at least once a year. I just look at *Hendrix and so many other girls who are living their lives and can go wherever they want, whenever they want and a little part of me wishes it was me.

But then I remember that I actually work for a living, and that maybe all this work will be rewarded for a couple of years from now. Maybe I'll be living in a better town, with better friends who value my future ambitions, and maybe I'll actually have a ring on my finger and a couple of kids (not now, since kids-well, my coworkers' kids anyway-are the bane of my existence and I swear they are all going to grow up to be dumb just like their equally dumb donors).

I'm longing for this trip more and more since I grow increasingly worried about my health. My doctor told me that now I'm prone to a whole different migraine (ocular) and there's a possibility of ovarian cysts too? Great. Just what I needed. So now I have to go a 'lady doctor' and also get an ultrasound. Meanwhile, I still have to visit the neurologist to get my head examined, as well as the oral surgeon for these wonderful 2 wisdom teeth to be taken out...man. Just when I thought that this was going to be my year to get healthy, that's when it all goes to shit. But hey, I may as well get it out of the way now before I'm left without insurance next year. Poop.

Hopefully the next post will be a lot more positive...sorry about that, folks, aka myself who is the only person reading this.

Writing...

I'm working on my novel today. I want to finish this first book by year's end. Out to publishers by next year. I better be prepared for rejection.

But at least it takes my mind away from the rejection now.

I tell you...as you get older, it's really hard to tell who values true friendship anymore...

Promises and Laziness

I've decided that I really need to write in this more. Not just on new findings and developments, career wise, but of every little thing that may serve as a catalyst to that. It's partially because I'm just lazy.

But bad days at work, and seeing Revy being more and more frustrated at his work make me realize how important dreams are. So even though, I'm in the beginning steps of making it happen, I need to document everything and how I feel. Because that will keep the balloon of my dreams tied to my wrist and not keeping me all the way down to the ground.

So....*breathes*...I promise, at least once a week, to post something. Whether it be good or bad is beyond my comprehension at this point, but we'll see where life takes us...

Things needed...

1) "Tourist" trip to Seattle. Primary visit for me.

2) Primary research done.

3) An awesome SLR camera.

4) Volunteer work and networking; establishing connections.


...


So much to do, and I'm not getting any younger. Poop.

Masquerade, paper faces on parade

For the past 6 years, I've worked in customer service in reception. The first three years were downright miserable, boring, and in no way reinforcing. But the past 3 years have been topsy turvy...I can love my job and hate it at the same time. And while I am absolutely good at my job, great even, some say born for it, I think I pretty much hate it at this point. I hate being fake. I hate putting up this mask: a perfect, sunny, ass kissing receptionist. That's now who I am. My idea of perfection is going to work in jeans and a sweater by boat and sitting on the water taking aimless notes, while watching whales take a breath from the cool Pacific water. NOT sitting at a desk, under fluorescent lighting tending to people's needs and fighting about high invoices.

The issue is that as I get older, my tolerance for stupidity lowers and lowers...and lowers. It is at a zero tolerance at this point. Working with animals is my only satisfaction, and I know that that is what is going to drive me to finally let it go when the time is right. It could be months or years from now, but I want to make sure that it doesn't keep me tied down...

Orca Girl

There are so many things I want to do...

I want to grow up and grow old.
I want to be married with children.
I want to maybe have more animals than children.
I want to publish a novel.
I want to be a guidance counselor, simply for paying it forward.
I want to live in a completely different place, to start from scratch, to get away from the small bubble town that I've never left.

But above all things, I want to make a difference in this world.

Since I was young, my heart has been with the ocean. Before I could understand my family, my living situation, and school, I knew the life of most of the marine mammals in our beautiful waters. Those meant more to me than anything. They kept me going. They kept my dreams afloat amongst their glorious waves.

As I grew up, I came to the realization that I wouldn't be swimming in money and be able to retire early. I knew that it would take a long time to get on my feet and to finally be where I wanted to be. But I was okay with that, and I still am. As I grow older, I know that I must make sacrifices for what I want, but in the end I hope that I get the acknowledgment that I deserve. I hope to make a difference for these whales and dolphins in need. I want to make a difference in this environment. I want to shout from the rooftops what I want and then go out and be able to do it, and I will.

This mermaid will sing her song for everyone to hear soon enough...