Mark it off

Transition SLR camera? Purchased. CHECK.

Primary behavioral research? Underway. CHECK.

Writing....well....baby steps in that direction. My brain works faster than my fingers sometimes.

Finally starting to get somewhere. Now I just need to keep the ball rolling. I'm nervous about a lot of things: my job, my writing, myself...this body I occupy doesn't seem to cut it most days anymore (for myself). I wish I could be that girl that is so confident about herself, but I'm just not. I never was. And it's too much work to try.

I miss Seattle. I want to tuck it away in my heart and hold onto it until I can go back. It made me feel so much better about me as a person, as a career woman, as someone who can make a difference in this world. Until then, I'll endure and keep wishing for better things to come.

So Long, My Heart Breaks

Almost a year? Seriously? Well. You didn't miss much.

I went to Seattle, my first dream in a long list.

And it was wonderful.

I learned so much, and everything is so much more different on the West Coast. Really anywhere but Florida is different/better.

I saw whales in the wild for the first time, and that alone was worth the trip. There's no speakable way to describe it besides....life changing. I'd never want to see them in any other place. The water, the wind, the islands, the mountains; seeing the babies breach from the water to play...absolutely glorious feeling.

The rest consisted of great music, great scenery, wonderful places, and a pretty bad ass rental car.

Flash forward to October.

I met Ryan's [dad's] family up in Wisconsin.

I had met Ryan's mom's side plenty of times, but Ryan's always said that his father's side was different. More like mine, crazy, loud, family oriented. I couldn't wait.

As soon as we arrived to Ryan's aunt's house, I didn't want to leave. His family very quickly accepted me for who I was, and even though it was only 2 days, it felt so much longer. I felt home...as a second home anyway. I can't wait to go back to see them.

Our first Christmas at home couldn't have been greater. After 4.5 years, the moms finally met. New Year's was calm and wonderful with close friends.

Birthday? Awesome birthday. Got minimally drunk for the first time, had all my friends there (I think the key is to make an event birthday related). Got my first designer bag AND tickets to Wicked. Nothing says birthday like style and Broadway.

And now switching to the present.

I've learned many things. Especially about people.

I don't have many friends, not many true ones. And really, the number of friends that I have that are not work employees can barely fit on one hand.

But at least the ones I have support my ambitions without having to brag horribly about their own. Let alone, on my birthday.

I think I need another Facebook friend cleanse.

But right now, I have to concentrate on my writing. If I can manage to finish something this year, and just manage to put it up on Kindle books, then I can hopefully just get a little notice. True friends will support me, or at the very least, just wish me luck.

A dream is a wish your heart makes...

When I wake up every morning, I open my eyes...to what? To a boring white wall. To an annoyingly-bright digital clock. To curtains dark enough to keep out any light coming in.

I live in a cave. A third floor cave full of action figures and cat toys (the shelves and floor, respectively).

If I had a choice, I would want to wake up underwater. I want to open my eyes, and on the ceiling, see waves of light floating like waves. In actuality, it would be the reflection of water outside. Living so close to the water, that I could hear it and breathe it in like the sweetest alarm clock ever made.

Instead I wake up to the wall, the clock, and the curtains of this cave.

And I wish it were the water. But life is all about wishes...

Step 1: Accomplished

Well, our tickets to Seattle are booked!

From July 15h through the 21st, I will be enjoying the luxury that may just well be my future home. We'll be sight seeing, drinking coffee (at least me), hiking through the forests, and most importantly, visiting Puget Sound for some good ol' whale education and maybe sighting?! :)

I'm. SO. excited.

These past 2 weeks have been absolute hell @ work and counting down to this step in my journey will be driving me through! 68 days-let's go!!!

Time is ticking..

I can't wait for this trip to Seattle. I feel like I'm just wasting my life away in this little town. Maybe it's because I haven't been out of my town and my comfort zone since this point last year? It's always good to get away at least once a year. I just look at *Hendrix and so many other girls who are living their lives and can go wherever they want, whenever they want and a little part of me wishes it was me.

But then I remember that I actually work for a living, and that maybe all this work will be rewarded for a couple of years from now. Maybe I'll be living in a better town, with better friends who value my future ambitions, and maybe I'll actually have a ring on my finger and a couple of kids (not now, since kids-well, my coworkers' kids anyway-are the bane of my existence and I swear they are all going to grow up to be dumb just like their equally dumb donors).

I'm longing for this trip more and more since I grow increasingly worried about my health. My doctor told me that now I'm prone to a whole different migraine (ocular) and there's a possibility of ovarian cysts too? Great. Just what I needed. So now I have to go a 'lady doctor' and also get an ultrasound. Meanwhile, I still have to visit the neurologist to get my head examined, as well as the oral surgeon for these wonderful 2 wisdom teeth to be taken out...man. Just when I thought that this was going to be my year to get healthy, that's when it all goes to shit. But hey, I may as well get it out of the way now before I'm left without insurance next year. Poop.

Hopefully the next post will be a lot more positive...sorry about that, folks, aka myself who is the only person reading this.

Writing...

I'm working on my novel today. I want to finish this first book by year's end. Out to publishers by next year. I better be prepared for rejection.

But at least it takes my mind away from the rejection now.

I tell you...as you get older, it's really hard to tell who values true friendship anymore...

Promises and Laziness

I've decided that I really need to write in this more. Not just on new findings and developments, career wise, but of every little thing that may serve as a catalyst to that. It's partially because I'm just lazy.

But bad days at work, and seeing Revy being more and more frustrated at his work make me realize how important dreams are. So even though, I'm in the beginning steps of making it happen, I need to document everything and how I feel. Because that will keep the balloon of my dreams tied to my wrist and not keeping me all the way down to the ground.

So....*breathes*...I promise, at least once a week, to post something. Whether it be good or bad is beyond my comprehension at this point, but we'll see where life takes us...